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How do you define an asexual person?

An asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction.

When did you realize you are nonsexual? Did you attempt sex and find it repugnant?

I realized that I was asexual in middle school, when all my friends first become fixated on sexuality. I didn't find sex repugnant, I just didn't find it interesting. But some asexual people are averse to sex. Growing up, I was aware of the distinction between "friendship" and "dating" that sexual kids like to stress, but I wasn't entirely certain how it applied to me. I found so many more ways to connect to people; there was no way I could draw that clear a line. Should I give the person I cuddle with some special status over the one who finishes my sentences?

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B> Do asexuals, in their quest to define their sexuality, go through periods when they wonder if they are sexual­ either gay or straight?

There's still little public acknowledgement of asexuality, and many asexual people struggle to come to terms with their lack of interest in sex. Most asexual people enjoy physical contact, and many desire and form romantic relationships. Asexual people are often attracted to a specific gender just like sexual people are: you can be hetero-asexual, homo-asexual, or bi-asexual.

When asexuals form romantic liaisons and intimate relationships how do they express their feelings? How do they bond with each other?

Asexual people form intimate relationships more or less the same way sexual people do. We connect with people, we talk, we play games, learn to trust one another. Taking sex out of the picture doesn't change what relationships are fundamentally about. There are a million ways to express love and intimacy.

For all the wacky rules that have been cooked up about sex, there seem to be relatively few about actual down-to-earth intimacy. I was a naive and inexperienced little asexual once, which is not a fate I would wish on anyone. From the moment that we begin to learn about sexuality, it's made abundantly clear that sex is not an optional endeavor. As far as our eventual happiness is concerned, finding a good sexual relationship is up there with having a job and owning things. And, just as it is our patriotic duty to get good grades and earn money, we must search for that special someone who will lead us to committed sexual bliss, which, we're told, all true Americans enjoy. This is not what I wanted to hear.

The message is a pretty bleak one: Without sex, relationships don't matter. No matter how good a friend we are or how close we become to someone, they will eventually privilege their (sexually) significant other over us. Passion, romance, and falling in love are all things that require sexual activity. All we can ever be is friends, with a big fat "just" slapped on for good measure. We can either try to force ourselves to start liking sex, or give up on the possibility that our emotional lives will get interesting."

What does it mean to be "more than friends" without the nookie?

I'd say there are "three T's" when evaluating a relationship.

Time: time makes relationships, and the relationships that matter are the ones that I make time for. Becoming involved with someone means we play a significant role in each other's day to day lives.

Touch: sex aside, there is a lot of fun two people can have with their bodies. Cuddling, dancing, playing basketball, sparring; the majority of my closer relationships involve some sort of physical affection, and many also involve working up a sweat.

Talk: I really want a relationship to get out of hand, I acknowledge that it exists. I'll tell someone how I feel about them. I'll have an interesting discussion at the slightest suggestion and will get intellectually intimate with anything that has a pulse.

What was the role of the gay movement in making asexuals think of themselves as a special category? Did they look to the gay movement as a model for organizing as a sexual minority?

I think the asexual community is having a much easier time coming together and gaining acceptance than other sexual minorities have in the past. People have a greater understanding of human sexual diversity, and it's easy to see how asexuality is just another facet of that.

Does AVEN appeal to, or include people who become sexually inactive as a result of, say, the loss of genitals or sex hormones?

The vast majority of the people in AVEN simply have no interest in sex although most are still capable of having it. People who desire sex, but are incapable of having it, do not have a presence in the asexual community.

Do some people, who have identified as asexuals, later realize they have libido and seek sexuals partners, and the reverse, do some sexuals become asexual?

It's rare; most asexual people have been this way for our entire lives. But, there are a few who go from being sexual to asexual or vice versa.

Do asexuals masturbate and have sexual fantasies?

Some asexual people masturbate, which can be difficult for sexual people to grasp. The fact that an asexual person enjoys sex with themselves doesn't necessarily mean they would enjoy sex with a partner.