Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

The folks at the political humor magazine Funny Times (check out www.funnytimes.com) recently sent Dawn a package of seeds promising to yield a "Global Warming Bush" if planted correctly. They even provided instructions: "clear-cut all available public lands and wilderness areas, water with 50 PPB arsenic and steady stream of donations from Big Oil; fertilize with Supreme Court brand manure (5-4-0)." Information on dealing with pests (like "environmentalists and avenging caribou") was also included.

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Funny Times also peddles "Texas Homegrown Dope, an ornamental shrub designed to protect boardrooms and gated communities." Instructions for it include: where to plant ("grows easily in poor environment, oblivious to air or water quality, unaffected by chemical or radioactive contam- ination"), recommended planting depth ("extremely shallow"), care ("thrives with lack of illumination; protect from pests such as single mothers and investigative reporters; feed with special interest fund-raisers until firmly rooted in the Public Treasury"), and warnings ("this Dope provides short term euphoria with big tax breaks for the rich; long term effects could include fiscal pain, swelling welfare rolls, and an increase in death by lethal injection").