April 1999 Cover
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By
Dawn Ivory
The story below was sent in by a reader who reports that its protagonist won "The Darwin Award," an annual honor given to "the person who provided the
universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way."
Dawn has made no confirmatory calls, but supposedly an overzealous zoo-keeper in Paderborn, Germany, fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of
poop. Investigators say the ill-fated zoo-keep was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full
of mud.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked him to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detectives.
"With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along-- during that
time he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen."
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Dirty Dishes!
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