Common Sense	Common Sense Archive

Today is my 54th birthday. How am I celebrating, if that's what one is supposed to do on such an occasion? I am looking at a four-color ad in one of the gay publications. The ad is dominated by a large photograph. The scene is, presumably, a shower room at a gym. Four men are in the background, each under a showerhead. They are all white guys and the way they are presented-- flabby, flaccid skin, unhealthy coloring, balding-- well, they are shown as grossies. In the foreground is a young man, well-built, in good physical condition, scantily-clad. He's looking at the camera, thus at us. He looks a mite scared-- that not-knowing: what can he do to avoid such a fate? I'm was not interested in the product or service being pitched. The setup said it all-- despite the exercise regimens, the creams, the diets, the health fads, there awaits The Horror Of Gay Old Age.

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That got me to thinking about the seven ages of gay life. Of course, not everyone gets all seven ages. Some are born old, some stay too young for too long, and this being Amerikan culture, there are some who never grow up at all. Some get to skate the whole time line.

Let's start with youth, that desired time. My friend Charley said he started having sex with men and other boys when he was five years old. By age 12, he was already very well experienced, a useful thing in life. I think early sexual experiences, generally, are part of what leads to a healthy adult character. I've never understood men who wait until they are in their 20s or 30s before they get their first guy. It is simply incompressible to me, but the world's a big place and we have all been instructed to-- hit the Mantra button-- celebrate diversity!

I've always been intrigued by the men who are homosexually active when young but then go on to be known, officially, as straight men. Bertolt Brecht was one such instance. As a young teen, he'd scamp around town and make it with men. But in later years, with a sequence of women, some of whom he treated rather badly, there wasn't a whiff of anything queer-- though there was the whiff of body odor; BB was famously unclean. Maybe that's why he left the gay way-- the queens found him too odiferous.

Then there is Richard Burton, the actor not the explorer/writer. Burton acknowledged being sexually active with men, including, I think, his foster father, when young. He was subsequently much married, to women, but also admitted that he thought one reason he drank so much was as part of his attempt to curb his homosexual desires, by which I think he meant: maximizing his career opportunities. Who knows?

We have the gay men who start late. A friend of mine, who grew up in the 1920s and 30s passed on this advice: "One never came out until Mother was dead." Awkward, then, if you predecease your Mother, as was the case with James Merrill, the noted poet. Military hero Leonard Matlovich admitted he was 32 years old when he first had sex with another male. Timing is everything, particularly in gay life. But get to the party too late and most the cake is gone and most dance cards are filled. I like the days of youthful promiscuity the best. Mine lasted from age 13 to age 32. From conversations with friends, this seems a longer spread than others.

What happens after The Hunt winds Down? Well, many seem to settle into being half of a couple. This seems to be an agreeable development for many gay men. I have never had this impulse. One thing I have learned in gay life. Once your friends partner off, they prioritize other couples. The single men are marginalized, sort of. You still get the calls, on occasion. But, if you are like me, the couples' parties aren't much fun anyway-- couples have their dynamics and aggregations of couples have this compounding effect which gives me a headache.

Couples can break up. Get tired. They can bring young stuff into their relationship. Some have each partner out on his own promiscuous hunt. Any or all of the above. Nate or Matt may want to segue into a leather scene, a place hospitable to men who are no longer young, pretty, buff or sweater-fluffy. The gay world has, I think, uniquely in the Amerikan cultural landscape, created places where the older, wizened, hairy, chubby-- well, like those men in the background in that ad that greeted my birthday-- can socialize and meet and make out. Is there anything of comparable utility for the heterosexuals?

What are the last ages of life for gay men? One thing I hope develops: assisted living facilities wherein we find a large presence from our communities. I'm not so sure, if and when such housing is created, if ever, I'd want it to be exclusively gay and lesbian. I celebrate-- Mantra time-- diversity! And there are those folks, like Bertolt and Richard and Leonard who keep changing or discovering. I like discovery. I think of Cole Porter's great song-- right now I'm listening to the Mabel Mercer version-- "Experiment." Listening to Cole's lyric, all I can think is: he is recommending to those trapped in heterosexual Amerikan culture to experiment! Cole like sailors and rough trade. Experiment!

Last stage of gay life? If you live long enough, it's to get that last hurrah-- like Erte, like Quentin Crisp, like Paul Bowles, like Horst, like on Gay Olympus looking down.

Author Profile:  Mitzel
	Mitzel was a founding member of the Fag Rag collective, and has been a Guide columnist since 1986. He manages Calamus Books near Boston's South Station.
	Email:	mitzel@calamusbooks.com
	Website:	calamusbooks.com