Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Dawn receives many clips every month about high school students sex high jinks­ not surprising, since newspapers are eager to splash teen sex in their pages to give readers what they want.

If someone involved has money, such stories usually feature tales of "abuse"... and a lawsuit looking to transfer some of the wealthy party's money (the "abuser") to the less wealthy party (the "victim"). The actual facts are often hard to determine since the "victims" have every incentive to inflate the import of any incidents, while press and prosecutors translate actions into code (wherein licking a dick becomes "genital sexual assault," or some such).

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But a recent web clip about an English lad's badly swollen scrotum managed to tell a tale of teen abuse that neither had greed-inspired tales of sexual woe nor obfuscating euphemisms.

According to www.ihatemarmite.com (Marmite being a nasty yeast spread fancied by some in Britain), a 16-year-old student "Stephen" returned home for Xmas break, explaining the malaise his Mom noted as being nothing more than the result of a low blow in a soccer scrimmage. After three days of moaning, though, the lad's mum insisted he visit a doctor.

The physician discovered Stephen's scrotum was swollen to three times normal size as a result of glass splinters that had penetrated his skin and led to infection of his right ball (which had to be removed).

How had such an injury occurred?

A sheepish Stephen confessed that he and his mates had wagered (while drunk, of course) that he could not fit both his balls into an empty Marmite jar. Though Stephen collected on the bet, he could not then remove his gonads from the jar. After two awkward days, he resorted to a hammer to smash the glass pot and free his balls. In doing so, glass shards were sent flying into his boybag, an injury he was embarrassed to confess to.

Dawn would like to remind any reader, teen or not, drunk or sober, not to stick your balls in a glass jar and then smash it with a hammer.

(And Marmite is undoubtedly pleased this incident occurred in England; had it been in the US, with our more litigious culture the corporation would be facing a lawsuit for failing to provide a warning label.....)