Book Review	Book Reviews Archive

Together Forever: Gay and Lesbian Marriage
Eric Marcus
Doubleday
How to order The Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage
Paula Martinac
Broadway Books
How to order Legal Affairs: Essential Advice for Same-Sex Couples
Frederick Hertz
Owl Books
How to order

Just because gay men and lesbians are denied the right to get married under the law does not mean that there have not been gay "marriages"-- committed, sustained, emotional and physical relationships. In Together Forever: Gay and Lesbian Marriage (Doubleday, cloth, 352 pages, $17.95), journalist Eric Marcus interviews 40 gay and lesbian couples who have maintained decades-long relationships, and presents us with a complex tapestry of love, desire, and friendship that stirs as it is heart-warms. While there is much here you might expect-- coming-out stories, tales of horrific homophobic cruelty, and just-folks-at-home imagery-- Marcus is an astute enough writer and interviewer that the individual tales are always surprising. He is also not a single-minded booster for idealized, perfect relationships. Many of the couples here talk about their hard times with one another, as well as their struggles with work and family. These stories are alternately moving and infuriating, heart-breaking and joyful. In one sense this is what Together Forever does best-- it shows us the daily lives of average men who have chosen to be with one another despite what the world has told them to do.

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How sexuality shapes and informs long-term relationships is a theme that runs through the book. The couples here address questions of fidelity and monogamy with rare honesty and understanding. By placing these questions in a broader context-- how are they like straight people's problems, how are they different?-- Marcus makes clear the borders and separations that exist in the social fabric. This is a welcomed addition to the ever-increasing wealth of materials on the complexity of gay and lesbian relationships.

Book o' love

Paula Martinac's The Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage (Broadway Books, paper, 286 pages, $25) is a cross-breed of a book that offers knowing, humorous insights on love in the gay lane. Crossing romantic advice ą la "Dear Abby" ("Meeting Ms. Right") with practical tips on gay weddings that would make Martha Stewart proud ("Right in Your Own Backyard") with the homo-child-care cues by way of Dr. Spock-- no, the real Dr. Spock ("Are Grandma and Grandpa on Board?"), Martinac has assembled a rich collage of expert interviews, statistics, personal opinions, historical anecdotes, intimate photos, and chat. While covering a wide range of interests and positions, the book is centered and focused. This is because Martinac understands that there is no one gay or lesbian point of view on any of these topics-- each person, and couple, has unique needs and opinions. While not avoiding the controversial (Gabriel Rotello's thoughts that gay marriage can help stop AIDS) or the sentimental (Mubarak S. Dahir's mediation of what to call his boyfriend in public), The Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage manages to be both frank and funny, practical and political.

Courtship

Almost 30 years ago the gay liberation movement opened up a brave new world that offered startling new freedoms and ways of looking at life. But the lives of gay men and lesbian were still entangled by the law and police. The gay movement has spent much of its energy dismantling laws that discriminate against homosexuals or criminalize sexual activity. But there is another expanse of legal territory-- family law-- that remains confusing and often uncharted. Frederick Hertz's Legal Affairs: Essential Advice for Same-Sex Couples (Owl Books, paper, 440 pages, $17.95) charts this complicated and sometimes unexplored territory, providing a navigational map to its most dangerous places.

Covering everything from legal partnership contracts (in the absence of gay marriage) to the potential legal horrors and financial nightmares of a breakup, Hertz elucidates which existing laws can help gay couples (there are many) and which can harm or hinder them. From joint bank accounts, home ownership, insurance, children (adopted and biological), and pets to separation contracts, child support, wills, and death benefits, Hertz presents clearly-written, psychologically nuanced, and step-by-step instructions for all stages of gay and lesbian coupledom.

A new world of gay marriage may be almost upon us-- followed, of course, by gay divorce. But as long as gay people continue to have relationships, Legal Affairs is a necessary and welcome guide.

Author Profile:  Michael Bronski
	Michael Bronski is the author of Culture Clash: The Making of Gay Sensibility and The Pleasure Principle: Sex, Backlash, and the Struggle for Gay Freedom. He writes frequently on sex, books, movies, and culture, and lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
	Email:	mabronski@aol.com