Loose Lips	Loose Lips Archive

Gentle readers, Miss Poubelle has seen the face of the next liberation front to sweep our society. Forget the liberation of women, of homosexuals, of sado-masochists, of the disabled. Those movements are passé. The newest wrinkle is testicular liberation.

A small band of activists has taken up the banner of this newest fight for freedom by loudly proclaiming its opposition to the binding, constriction, and discomfort of men's underwear and trousers. They say that the time has come for men to let their nuts swing loose and unrestrained and to cast off the oppression of jockey shorts and breeches.

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The liberation movement began slowly, but took off when the Internet allowed the previously isolated freeswingers to find each other. At web sites like "Bravehearts against trouser tyranny" ( they meet, organize, and encourage each other. Such men are known to each other as bravehearts (after the Mel Gibson kilt flick). They have fearlessly set forth in public places, dressed in skirts, for the sake of greater gonadal comfort for all men. So far they have largely acted under cover of Scottish heritage, allowing the amazed and outraged to believe that their kilts serve as marker of ethnic pride. But the kilts are only the first stage in a carefully orchestrated campaign, which has its ultimate goal the liberation of all testes, be they Scottish, Turkish, or Chinese.

As the Braveheart web site explains, "There -- in the crotch -- [the seams] confine, crowd, bind, chafe, and otherwise cut into the male genitalia. The trousers also chafe against the inner thighs and, depending on their tightness, restrict leg movement. In some cases, the confinement of trousers may cause a rash or even reduce a man's sperm count." At the moment, the most socially acceptable alternative is the kilt. But bravehearts also advocate the use of "robes, caftans, sarongs, tunics, and other skirtlike garments," a group of garments they refer to as MUGs (male unbifurcated garments). However, given the lack of appropriate MUGs at the neighborhood Gap, Bravehearts will accept the adaptation of women's skirts in the absence of male alternatives, as long as a masculine appearance is maintained.

Perhaps recognizing that society is slow to change, a slightly less radical movement, known as freeballing, seeks testicular liberation within a more confined range -- under the trousers. Freeballers delight in going about sans underwear, and thus afford their gonads a greater range of freedom than that enjoyed by the typical man. Of course, freeballing carries its hazards­among them, pecker tracks, erections, and zipper mishaps. But these are a small price to pay for freedom.

Miss Poubelle has no information on how the assimilationist freeballers and the radical bravehearts get along with each other. Probably about as well as the members of the Human Rights Campaign Fund and Queer Nation.

But with spontaneous demonstrations of support for lack of support, the day of liberation cannot be far away. Testicles of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your wrinkles!