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Muscle Men Moving Company
Rating: 3 Stars
Produced, written, and directed by Blue Blake. Videography by Andre Adair. Editing and music by Rock Hard. Starring Robert Van Damme, Jim Slade, Chad Conners, Ben Campezi, Derek Steel, Tony Valentino, Jason Hawke, and Carlos Morales.
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When silver-haired daddy Derek Steel phones Muscle Men Moving Company, Inc., and requests "five strong guys to help me move my house," no fewer than seven bulked-up young gentlemen show up to haul Steel's possessions over to his new home. They work in pairs. Robert Van Damme and Jim Slade, the most drop-dead muscular specimens in the cast, hoist a mattress upstairs, then put it to use. Slade probes Van Damme with a mean little dildo before getting ploughed with Van Damme's meaty uncircumcised cock. Ben Campezi and Chad Conners grapple in a storage room, Van Damme returns to fuck Jason Hawke on a row of boxes, and bald-pated, toilet-mouthed Australian Tony Valentino, turned on by the discovery of straight porn among Steel's personal effects ("Fuckin' juicy, mate!"), skewers Carlos Morales on a dining room table. Finally, Jim Slade gets it on with Steel himself when the in-shape, over-50 customer pads downstairs clad only in socks and 2(x)ist briefs.

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I> Muscle Men Moving Company's greatest appeal will be to fans of full-blown masculine brawn. Even Ben Campezi and Jason Hawke have added bulk to their formerly medium builds, though the extra weight doesn't necessarily enhance their looks. Under Blue Blake's effective supervision, all eight models turn in skilled, committed sexual performances. The sex scenes stress ass-play, with an accent on rimming; Andre Adair's videography emphasizes impudently bulging butts. There are three explosive oral cumshots. Two newcomers are introduced here: horse-hung Steel, who is genuinely hot in ways likely to cause cognitive dissonance in younger viewers prone to stereotyping older men, and Czech ex-hockey player Van Damme, whose sexual prowess far exceeds his fluency in English. (Not that anyone in his right mind would prefer the reverse.) He has two lines: "Wudulookinet?" and "Ah gut reely switty balls!"