Magazine Article	Articles Archive

Believe it or not, some people aren't interested in sex. While most of us jump into bed with anticipation of good things to come, others are looking forward to a good night's sleep. Some people, you might say, just aren't sexually oriented. These folks don't think about sex and don't seek sexual partners. Increasingly, they're coming together­ imitating gay people in a sense­ and identifying themselves as "asexual" or "nonsexual."

When Alfred Kinsey documented American sexuality in the 1940s, he failed to delve into the world of nonsexuals. Perhaps to make up for this oversight, the Kinsey Institute supported the work of Indiana University's Nicole Prause and C.A. Graham (2002) as they studied self-identified asexuals. Prause and Graham found that many males and females don't lack sexual experiences­ it's just that they don't enjoy them due to low sexual desire. These people don't find sexual encounters interesting or compelling. To quote one asexual, "Sex seems about as natural and fun as doing your taxes." So asexuals might be characterized by low sexual desire rather than low levels of sexual behavior­ though many avoid any form of sexual interaction whatsoever.

View our poll archive

In a way, it's surprising that Kinsey ignored asexuality because he claimed to have been raised by "asexual" parents­ but what would he know about their sexuality? How many of us witness the "heat of the night" in our parents' homes? During the period he was growing up, many parents acted prim-and-proper, giving no indication of the action between the sheets, yet their homes were filled with kids, testimony to their sexual adventures.

Studies suggest that asexuals exist in significant numbers: perhaps one percent of adults have absolutely no interest in sex. In a survey conducted in Britain, 18,000 people were offered a list of options to describe their sexual propensity. Nearly one percent responded that they'd never been sexually attracted to anyone. These people claim they have no libido and don't experience the same feelings as people who have sexual urges.

A quiet closet

Some people realize at an early age that they are different from classmates who flirt and pursue sexual partners. Some of them never change, meaning that there are contented 40-year-old virgins not interested in lust or bust, perfectly at ease with their lack of sexual experiences.

You can't tell by looking if a person is sexual or asexual. People's sexual identities are determined by what's in their minds­ by what they want to do­ not by the way they lead their lives. For instance, when I mentioned to some friends that I was writing about asexual people, several immediately said "That's me!"-- but that's an incorrect reading of asexuality. My friends are interested in relationships that include sexual encounters but some have been unable to find suitable partners, so they remain sexually inactive. Still, they are sexual creatures.

Many other sexual people lead lives devoid of sexual activity. Celibates appear to be asexual but they usually have sexual desires. These people make a conscious decision to abstain from sex. Frequently, the goal is to enable concentration of all one's energies elsewhere, as among, in theory, Catholic priests, who devote themselves to serving God. Athletes sometimes forego sex in the belief they will enhance athletic performance.

By contrast, asexual people don't want or seek any sexual relationship. Not only do asexuals try to avoid sexual contact, they lack a curiosity about sex. You would think they might be a little curious about how sex works and what it feels like, even though they aren't turned on by the thought of sexual encounters. But frequently that's not the case­ there is simply no interest in the experience.

Asexuals are often misunderstood by those around them because they usually keep their feelings, or lack thereof, to themselves. But recently, it seems, asexuals are "coming out" in droves. These avowed asexual folk don't want to be "fixed," yet, that is the first reaction they get when others learn they have no erotic feelings. Parents and friends want them to get help, and their doctors want to "treat" them. Are they normal­ and just what is "normal," anyway? If, according to the dictionary, "normal" is the usual or typical behavior, then, no, asexuals are not normal. Neither are homosexuals or the many other sexual variations. On the other hand, all of these behaviors fall within the range of variation seen among humans, and other species, as well.

To marry or not to marry?

While many asexual people don't marry, others do in an attempt to lead full lives with kids, the picket fence, and social interactions with the hetero or gay worlds. The problem is, many asexuals marry people with sexual appetites, and the reality of their different sexual needs often causes their marriages to falter or fail. When sexual people find themselves in sexless marriages, they wonder why they can't get a rise out of their partners, why their spouses aren't attracted to them. These people usually feel rejected. Long-term abstinence takes its toll on the partner with libido. Sometimes the asexual partner will "perform" for the sake of a partner's well-being or to produce children, but with little interest or enthusiasm.

On the other hand, say some, marriage between asexuals can be rewarding for all concerned. In a curious aside to this, Esther Rothblum and Kathleen Brehony (1993) documented romantic but asexual relationships among contemporary lesbians. A contradiction? "Lesbian" means "a woman sexually orientated to women." But where romance, asexuality, and women intersect, these researchers suggest, proves to be a fuzzy border.

A true asexual never seeks sexual gratification with another person, but many sexual people normally go through periods when their interest in sex wanes. Men, who bear the burden of proof, can offer only limp excuses for sex when their hormones dwindle. Low testosterone levels in men result in decreased libido and the inability to copulate. The Viagras of the world aren't designed to increase libido or activate sexual interest, but rather to enable those interested to maintain an erection. Medicines of this ilk would be of little use to asexuals if they wanted to stimulate an interest in sex.

Women are usually less affected by the ravages of time and are able to perform sexually longer than men. Many women have increased sexual appetites as they pass menopause. At this point, intercourse can no longer lead to babies, but it becomes either an expression of love, or a way to arrive at orgasm's exhilaration and relief. Still, some women never get excited about sex. They're unable to experience orgasm, perhaps as a result of inadequate lovers or numerous other reasons, or they may be among the asexual-leaning people in the population who rarely or ever feel a sexual urge.

Secrets of whiskers

One has but to look at the growth of a man's whiskers to gain insight into the level of testosterone being pumped throughout his body­ which is a clue to his sexual prowess. I knew a group of straight men who were doing research in the wilds of Alaska. During the weekdays they were hunched over their microscopes and had no opportunity to see women, but they looked forward to weekends when they would go to villages and party. These men shaved each day and weighed their shavings (yes, with the proper scale, you can even weigh the ink deposited by the period at the end of a sentence). Throughout the week, when there was no chance of sex with women, their whiskers barely grew. But as the weekend approached and the thought of women was on their minds, testosterone flooded their bodies and their whiskers virtually stood up to be counted!

Since whiskers are indicators of the level of testosterone in one's body, they can be used as important clues for several conditions. A man with a lush growth of whiskers or a "four o'clock shadow" probably has a greater libido than those without­ and, I suspect, the whiskers produced by asexual men are sparse. But that research is yet to be done.

Mounting the barricades

Asexuals are finding each other and, by golly, they want to be recognized. Activists have started campaigns to promote acceptance and awareness of their way of life. They have websites and in places are becoming a cohesive group. Asexual Pals (www.asexualpals.com) functions as a matchmaking service for the asexually inclined. Lusty or no, almost all humans desire companionship, and so this is a hookup network for people seeking partners who have no sexual agenda. AVEN­ the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (www.asexuality.org)-- has an informative website complete with an online store that sells T-shirts and posters that proclaim asexuality with pride.

"I may not like sex, but I love variety," says Jay David, AVEN's founder and spokesman. "Pleasure comes in a cornucopia of forms: meeting people on the dance floor, intense conversations that run until four in the morning, fighting like hell for something you believe in," he tells The Guide. "Keeping the endorphins flowing is a simple matter of keeping my eyes open to the possibilities, and if they are open enough there is rarely a shortage."

So, there you have it. Clearly, this young man doesn't know what sexual creatures feel and why sex is so compelling to them, but it's apparent that he's leading a full life and doesn't long for sexual experiences. I can't help but wonder how he might answer these questions many years, many relationships, or many experiences from now. Will he and his cohorts discover the joys of sex when they encounter just the right partners? Maybe­ but maybe not.

Sex's causal stew

Genes and other factors affect one's sexuality. One would expect the incidence of homosexuality or asexuality would be drummed out of the population through evolution, since these people would be less likely to reproduce. Yet the trait has persisted generation after generation, suggesting a Darwinian paradox. An amazing study with fruit flies has demonstrated that genes play a compelling role in sexuality. When female fruit flies, with the full complement of female organs, were given the male variant of the sex gene, they acted like males in courtship and attempted to mount other females. When males were artificially given the female version of the gene, they became more passive and turned their attention to other males. According to Dr. Barry Dickson, of the Institute of Molecular Biotechnology at the Academy of Sciences in Vienna, these experiments demonstrate that a single gene in the fruit fly, when "turned on" is sufficient to determine the fly's sexual orientation and behavior, regardless of their sexual organs.

This research indicates that instinctive behaviors can be the result of genetic makeup, just as morphological development is genetically determined. The pathways of human sexuality are doubtlessly more complicated. But the results in the fruit-fly experiments will surely influence the debate about the role genes and the environment has on our sexual interests.

Sexuality appears influenced by many factors other than genes, including hormones, family environment, and countless psychological and physiological variables. For instance, males born to women who take aspirin late in their pregnancies are more likely to have less interest in sex than males born to women not using aspirin. And, males born to women who've had multiple pregnancies are more likely to have homosexual tendencies than their older siblings.

When you consider how fragile sexuality is, it's a wonder the species continues to flourish. Although asexuals do not experience the intimacy of sex, they do seek out and find satisfying, intimate relationships with others. They add a stripe or two­ in gently muted tones­ to the rainbow of human diversity.