
April 2000 Cover
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By
Dawn Ivory
Given Dawn's ass fascination it's no surprise that a news blurb in The Economist regarding differences in Europeans' toilet paper preferences piqued.
According to the European Union's outgoing "director general of fair trading," Brits demand the biggest and softest sheet of arsewipe, and they're willing to pay twice as much as the French and Germans
for premium toilet paper weighing four grams more per square meter (than continental brands) due to its higher soft-fiber content.
While Dawn was interested to read of the "historical reasons" Brits pay more attention to their toilet paper, missing in the discussion was an explanation as to why aloe-laced toilet paper seems only
spottily available here in the United States, surely the world's super power in ass-cleaning options. Dawn always enjoys snagging the occasionally-offered pre-oiled buttwipes, but is perplexed as to why such "personal freshness with
a soothing drop of aloe" isn't routinely vended. (For true decadence, Dawn recommends stocking your bathroom with single-sheet babywipe dispensers; guests-- especially from Britain!-- will be impressed that
you thoughtfully provide a way to thoroughly clean and moisturize their tenderest parts....)
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Dirty Dishes!
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