Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Wedged between stories about Merv Griffin's tombstone inscription ("I will not be right back after this message") and an update on figure-skater Dorothy Hamill's breast cancer, readers of the January 21 National Enquirer were treated to a redux of Andrew Morton's Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography. Under the headline "Ex-Galpals Spill His Love Secrets," Dawn learned that "despite gay rumors" Tom Cruise was actually homophobic in high school! Seems the film version of La Cage aux Folles "really bothered him." (Not for the execrable script, but because of the cross-dressing men, if Morton's source is to be believed.)

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Now, Dawn's readers do not have to be reminded of countless studies showing that nothing makes a homophobe's pecker say howdy quite like watching videos of guys doing the nasty with each other, but evidently the Enquirer thinks homosexuality and homophobia to be polarities, rather than flip sides of the same bent coin. Or maybe Dawn is not crediting the tabloid enough: they do, after all, remind us that Tom first "dated" Melissa Gilbert(!), then Heather Locklear(!!), and then... Cher!!! One can only suppose Barbra never returned his calls.