Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Evidently, Largo, Florida, is crime-free and swimming in money. How does Dawn know? Because police there have time and resources to direct their attention to what the St. Petersburg Times calls "an undercover investigation of public park restrooms."

Of course, it is not the restrooms themselves that are being investigated (though god knows, they probably could use it; many such facilities are decrepit, fly-infested stinkboxes). No, "investigation" refers to entrapment schemes wherein non-uniformed cops display their meat to other men. Should another toilet patron show some interest (either by looking at the wiener exhibited or, as frequently happens, by sucking off the cop until he comes and turns nasty), the cop then arrests his admirer and charges him with "indecent behavior" or some such nonsense. (What could be more "decent" than admiring and/or servicing a dick offered for attention?)

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ast month, cops embarrassed their fellow law enforcement officials by arresting an assistant state attorney who was allegedly masturbating alongside a decoy dick. The attorney resigned; if convicted of his "crime," he may face lifetime registration as a sexually dangerous person, complete with an ankle bracelet for satellite tracking. A hefty price to pay for a quick wank in the loo.

"Prior to the incident he had been a very professional and skilled attorney with our office," said the wanker's boss Kendall Davidson. Dawn cannot imagine how the arrestee's off-the-clock masturbatory predilections change that assessment. Had he sloppily ejaculated on court papers causing text-smearing or stuck-together pages, or taken his dick out during court proceedings to enjoy a little solo reverie, Dawn could understand how his professional competence could be called into question. But evidently, to be "professional and skilled" in Florida, you must not masturbate.

Reading such stories, Dawn frequently wonders what cops assigned the shithouse detail tell their children they do for work: "Daddy masturbates with other men and then sends them to jail and wrecks their lives"?