
November 2006 Cover
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By
Dawn Ivory
Once in a while, Dawn is caught believing that satirical clips sent in by loyal readers are, in fact, true. Not so long ago, Dawn reported on fictitious biotech company's plan to engineer and peddle a red, white,
and blue goldfish. Though Dawn might have been sharper-eyed
and spotted the April 1st dateline on that now-ancient press release, it turns out that companies are indeed now genetically modifying fish in pursuit of flashier colors; yesterday's satire becomes today's reality.
Most recently Dawn fell for the following: "Senate Wins Fight To Lower Allowable Amperage Levels On Detainees' Testicles: Washington, DC-- Led by a bipartisan group of senators critical of White House policy on suspected terrorists, the Senate passed a bill Thursday
that prohibits interrogators from exceeding 100 amps per testicle when questioning detainees. 'Even in times of war, it counterproductive and wrong to employ certain inhumane interrogation techniques, and using three-digit amperage levels on the testicles of captives
constitutes torture,' said Sen. John Warner (R-Virginia), who has also supported reducing the size of attack dogs and the height of nude pyramids. 'Using amperages of 99 and lower, with approved surge protectors on the jumper-cable clamps, are the hallmarks of a civilized society.'
The legislation did not address amperage restrictions on suspected terrorists' labia."
Though sounding like already-reached, Cheney-esque depravity, the quote is indeed (at least for now...) satire from the ever-funny TheOnion.com
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Dirty Dishes!
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