Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

These are hard times for many of our nation's schools. Despite huge surpluses, political will seems to dictate that tax money flow only to prisons and police (as well as tax cuts for George and Al's country club friends), not to schools.

Just how bad scholastic finances can be was highlighted in a recent item in the NY Times. It seems that Erasmus High School in Brooklyn, facing a money squeeze, decided to eliminate their football program (so you know the situation was serious). What caught Dawn's attention, tho, was the pleading of the coach who was trying to muddle by with the meager funds available. Receiving only $200 to upgrade equipment, coach Robert Fennell reports, "I managed to buy $76 worth of ankle tape and replace some jockstraps."

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"In what state, you have to wonder," muses the thoughtful reader who sent Dawn the clip, "were the jockstraps that in a situation of evidently severe financial triage, the replacement of a few was deemed essential?"

A good question. But Dawn fears the reader, the coach, and Erasmus High have overlooked a sensible solution to both the budget crunch and the dangerously over-used nut sacks: why not auction off the used jockstraps on Ebay? Dawn is certain that a marketing campaign wherein a player's photo and vital stats were included with the soiled and frayed athletic undergarment that he himself had worn would yield big bucks. Not only would student scholars get real-world experience with capitalism, but they could constantly be re-supplying their inventory, assuring a steady supply of elasticized underwear for Ebay bidders to sniff, lick, and chew during masturbatory reverie.