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Ranch Hand Muscle
Rating: 2 Stars
Produced, photographed, written, and directed by Jett Blakk. Edited by Ann Igma. Starring Mark Dalton, Bryan Archer, Brett DiMineo, Trey Rexx, Leo Bramm, Kyle Richards, Andrew Addams, Ty Parks, and Zane West.
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Mark Dalton, a blond bodybuilder who somewhat resembles Falcon superstar Matthew Rush, gets top billing in Ranch Hand Muscle, but he never interacts­ sexually or otherwise­ with any of his fellow cast members. Part of Dalton's interminable masturbation scene, which involves a lot of dimwit self-adoration and Mr. Universe poses, is supposed to be an exhibitionistic display aimed at Trey Rexx, whom he later is supposed to observe having sex with Leo Bramm. But Dalton, who never even appears in the same shot as anyone else, is integrated into the action through Ann Igma's editing skills. He's a big plastic presence who stands or lies there like an oversized action figure. The real star of this odd little offering is angelically slutty Brett DiMineo, who gets, and deserves, two of the five sex scenes.

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In Jett Blakk's nutty-surreal scenario, a cattle ranch has defaulted on a bank loan and is about to go under. Ranch hands Andrew Addams and DiMineo console their boss, Aaron Tanner, with an anxiety-banishing sexual workout. Later, in a corner of the barn, DiMineo spots a mysterious door he'd never previously noticed. It opens on a long white hallway where there are other doors. (He's actually at Live Acts Video, an L.A. business that provides theme rooms for people who want to tape their own porn.) Passing through one of these doors, he enters a parallel universe where leathermen top each other as Trey Rexx looks on from a nearby dungeon cell. After treating himself (and us) to a second three-way, DiMineo frees Rexx on condition that the tough, longhaired top do something about the loan officer (Leo Bramm) who, back in Cowboy Land, is coming to shut down Sunset Ranch. The outcome is predictable­ and so is the sex, which never fully ignites, although it's competently staged and shot.