Speaking Out (of his mind!)	Speaking Out Archive

Recently I had dinner with my dear friend Dynette Sett and her significant other, Margene Lurkapoodis. These two gals are well known throughout the Boston area for their fine work as the co-founders of the Lechmere chapter of People Repudiating Unnecessary Disgusting Everpresent Sex (PRUDES).

Shortly after I arrived at their lovely apartment, they wheeled out an hors d'oeuvres cart simply loaded with delicious tidbits. I couldn't keep my fingers off the cream cheese balls dipped in butter sauce. "These are scrumptious!" I exclaimed. Dynette smiled as she pulled her chair nearer the cart. "We love them too," she said. "They're our own recipe."

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The three of us, I must confess, had just polished off a good-sized tureen of cream of asparagus soup and were tucking into the lasagna when I asked them how their efforts to stamp out sexual filth were progressing.

"Well, at least we've identified the enemy," Dynette answered, "PIGS!"

"What?" I asked, slightly taken aback.

"PIGS," she repeated. "People Into Genital Sex."

"For the most put PIGS are men," Margene added.

"Don't worry, Lester," Dynette chimed in reassuringly, "we don't really consider you a man."

"You'd be so disappointed to learn that there are even members of the fairer sex who degrade themselves by indulging their carnal appetite," Margene said. She helped herself to more pasta as she warmed to her subject. "People just don't seem to understand that there are other ways to relate to loved ones that don't involve the genitals. Dynette and I have discovered a variety of activities that are extremely sensual without being dirty. Just last night, for example, we made up a tub of guacamole dip and spent about an hour sucking it off each other's fingers."

Dynette grinned, "We had such a good time that as soon as we finished we made up a second tub and did the same thing. By that time we were ready for bed. That stuff can be kind of rich without any chips or anything to go with it."

"Come on," Margene teased, "weren't you the one saying maybe we should whip up a third batch?"

"You've got me there," blushed Dynette, "but I still think if we play that game again, we shouldn't eat a huge macaroni and cheese dinner first"

"Hey, you only live once," Margene came back.

By the time dessert appeared, I was feeling a little stuffed myself, but I couldn't resist the mouth watering array of home-made pastries my generous hostesses suddenly produced. "Wow" I exclaimed, "I don't think I've ever seen such big ones before." "Oh, that's Margene's doing," beamed Dynette. "She gets so angry when she stops in at some expensive patisserie and pays a fortune for something that's gone in a couple of bites." "I've always had a sweet tooth," explained Margene. "It's my one weakness."

"You two should really write a book," I said, "and help men, I mean 'PIGS,' find their way out of the sexual wilderness they've gotten lost in."

"Oh, we don't have time for anything like Chat," laughed Dynette. "Our war on smut keeps us pretty busy."

"Besides," winked Margene, "we have to save a little time for some fun."

"Fun?" I repeated.

"Sure, after you leave we'll probably paint each other's toe nails, Then, if it's not too late, we'll make some popcorn or maybe some fudge."

"Or maybe both," giggled Dynette.

As I returned to my own apartment, I could not help but admire the way the two ladies had successfully found a way to live their lives without indulging the baser sexual appetites. I thought all of us could gain by their example.