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As if having some big muscle stud's cock up my ass wasn't pleasurable enough, there's something that can make it even better. They're called poppers, and one good snort I'm begging to have the living shit pounded out of me.

There's only problem: poppers (depending on the formulation) are an illicit street drug in the US and Canada-- though not many other countries (accounting for a lively black-market and internet trade). As with all drugs, poppers have side-effects. For many years I delighted in using them without hesitation or question, but as I've matured and started getting a little more health-conscious, I wanted to know more about exactly what they were doing to my body.

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Along with other substances at the borders of legality, research on poppers is scant, and often incomplete and contradictory. I was able to find answers to some of my questions, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't always like what I heard.

But let's back up for a moment and do a little history. Poppers-- or amyl nitrite, butyl nitrite, and isobutyl nitrite by their various chemical formulations-- were invented in the mid-1800s and used as a treatment for angina, or chest pain. These nitrites are a yellowish, highly flammable, pungent-smelling liquid. You inhale their vapors as the method of delivery to your system.

By mid-20th century, nitroglycerin tablets mostly supplanted use of nitrite inhalants for angina, and they stopped being a prescription drug in the US in 1960-- though a small medical market remains even today, including for the treatment of cyanide poisoning. Falling into disuse, the US Food and Drug Administration in 1960 abolished the prescription requirement for amyl nitrite. Within a few years, Burroughs Wellcome, then the main manufacturer, reported increasing non-medical use, and in 1964 a New York pharmacist was said to be "deluged" with requests for the drug by "healthy-appearing young persons"-- not your average heart patient.

But using nitrite inhalants for sexual stimulation was already probably decades-old, going back at least to the 1930s. "The earliest use was probably by medical students... who had ready access to the drug and a penchant for experimentation," according to a 1978 report, "Isobutyl Nitrites and Related Compounds," that was privately published and written-- evidently with the cooperation of an inhalant manufacturer-- by professors of medicine at McGill University, Queen's University, and the University of California. (The report, along with much breathless effusing about poppers, is available at www.allaboutpoppers.com.)

Piggybacking on a craze for incense in the 1960s, manufacturers introduced liquid nitrite "room odorizers." It sounds like a strange use for chemicals that, in high concentrations, most people describe as having the odor of old, damp, ripe socks. But in fact, these aromatic nitrites had long been used by the perfume industry. In the 1970s, "odorizers" became hugely popular, especially among gay men, though they were used mostly as inhalants, not air fresheners-- for which use they have almost no physiological effect. Journalist Leonard Sigell estimated in 1978-- just after their peak-- that some four million bottles of poppers were sold in the US, grossing around $50 million. Couching nitrite inhalants as room odorizers became necessary, because in 1969-- reacting against their widespread use for sexual pleasure-- the FDA returned amyl nitrite to prescription status.

Way back when

Certainly gay men have been using poppers for a very long time. My 76-year-old friend George Hislop says he was introduced to them for the first time in New York City in 1958 at a party. Someone handed him some and told him to try it. "I inhaled deeply, and then a minute later fell back against the wall," he says. "I was like, 'Holy shit, what the hell are these.'" When he regained his composure, his next question was: "And where can I get them?"

Forty-five years later, he's still a "user." He says they help relax him just as some guy's about to penetrate him. Then he can't get enough. "They make me feel like I have 12 assholes," he says. They also help him relax so he can deep throat big cocks.

He says in the old days you could buy them at the corner drug store. They were legal and available without a prescription. Back then they came in packs of 12 little glass capsules that you broke open and then quickly inhaled the vapors before the liquid evaporated. They made a popping sound when you crushed them, and that how they got the name poppers.

But soon after poppers became a consumer product, the small, colorful glass bottles with twist-off caps became endemic. You could find gay men doing them at every party, in coffee shops, and on the dance floors of the club scene. Teenaged kids got into the act and they were popular in high schools. "For me, an orgasm is like a hippopotamus," a woman friend of Consumer Union drugs researcher E.M Brecher said. "But with amyl nitrite, it's like a whole herd of hippopotami." Yet despite such accolades, poppers never seemed to catch on so much among straight men or women.

Just the facts

I wanted to know more about the scientific research on poppers and thought it would be easy to find out what was known on the subject. Wrong. Almost every expert I contacted on the subject knew next to nothing about them.

First I called the Food and Drug Administration in Washington. They were very nice and politely told me they had never heard of poppers or amyl nitrite and would have to get back to me. A few days later they called to simply say that these nitrites "were not approved drugs" and they had no information on the subject. They recommended I talk to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Again, nice people, but they didn't know anything about poppers.

Next I tried Health Canada in Ottawa. The PR flak tried very hard to help me, but there just wasn't information to be found. She said that poppers were not an approved drug in Canada and they did not have any information on it. She did ask around the office, and someone had heard that you could buy them on the internet and she gave me an internet address where I could order them.

I went to the web address and checked it out. A large picture of a semi-cute leather man popped up along with information on their product. The word "poppers" was never used; they claimed their product was a cleaning product for leather sex toys. "Because of the nature of the leather products the cleaner is intended for, constituents of the cleaner also act as a larvicide capable of eradicating insects and insect eggs attached to leather after intimate use of such leather products," the ad said.

They specifically said the product was not for human consumption and should not be inhaled. They claimed to have been evaluated by Health Canada and had their stamp of approval for the product. I called Health Canada back and asked them about what I saw. "If the product does not make a health claim, and is not promoted for human consumption, we do not regulate it," she told me. But she was quick to add that they had not approved the site and the line about their approval would have to be removed from the site. She could not tell me if poppers were legal as supposed leather cleaner.

Next I made a call to a friend of mine. Dr. Jon-Paul Voroney is a young physician I occasionally work-out with at the gym and sometimes we spend time together in Northern Ontario at a friend's cottage in the summers. Turns out he was the right guy to call. He was able to tell me quite a bit about poppers.

Jon-Paul explained to me that poppers are "a rapid acting, short duration nitrite vasodilator." What that means in English is that it causes blood vessels to expand and increase blood flow, giving you a "rush." They also cause smooth muscle tissue throughout the body to relax. The chemical is rapidly absorbed on inhalation within 30 seconds, and lasts a few minutes. He explained the immediate side-effects can be "headache, tachycardia (or rapid heart beat), and dizziness."

There are few major dangers associated with using poppers. The first is that there have been a few reported cases of acute psychosis among people using poppers. That is, a sudden break from reality with delusions and hallucinations. "We don't know how or why it happens, but it can occur without warning," he says, but does not last.

The second danger is severe hypotension, or a major drop in blood pressure. "In some cases the drop is severe enough to result in coma or sudden death," he says. He says the supply of oxygen is reduced causing diffuse brain injury and possibly death. "It's rare, but it does happen," he says. Sometimes the reduction in oxygen is lower and simply results in the patient turning blue.

Dr. Voroney says that transient dizziness is common, but that actual fainting is rare. He also says that poppers may cause mild transient nausea. Poppers also cause intraocular pressure-increases and he says there was one report of a 15-year-old boy who went blind after heavy use of poppers for four consecutive days.

He says amyl nitrite has been implicated in the development of opportunistic infections with people with AIDS as well as Kaposi's sarcoma. There's evidence in rats that poppers suppress some immune function. But, he says, "Some authorities believe it is the lifestyle of the poppers user that is responsible for the higher risk of immunosuppresion rather than the drug itself." Certainly, the claim that poppers cause AIDS-- touted loudly in the 1980s and 90s by some of those skeptical about HIV-- has proven to be without substantiation.

"But the big thing for gay men to watch out for is not to combine poppers with Viagra," he says. "The results can be fatal." He explained that the mixture of the two drugs causes a major drop in blood pressure which can cause stroke or instant cardiac arrest and death. He also warns not to combine poppers and alcohol. "That also causes a drop in blood pressure which can be dangerous," he says.

He says one of the reasons gay men enjoy using poppers for sex is that they cause a relaxation of smooth muscle tissue, including the muscles in the ass, lending credibility to people who report it makes it easier for anal sex. But with anal sex a risk-factor for HIV transmission, increasing anal blood flow and decreasing pain sensitivity can be mixed blessings. Another undesirable effect of poppers is skin irritation, and irritation of the lining of the lungs.

Pleasure to burn

I've certainly seen and experienced that skin irritation business. I've run into George on occasion and seen him with "popper burns" on the end of his nose. The liquid spills a bit as people put it to their nostrils and it can cause redness and chafing, and feels like a real burn. But I've done worse than popper burns on my nose.

One night I staggered home drunk from the bar, having failed to pick up a trick, and fell into bed. I was jerking off with a bottle of poppers when I fell asleep before I finished with the bottle in my hand. It leaked and I woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain. I had this large burn on my finger where the poppers had leaked out and soaked into my hand.

I went to the doctor the next day and the news wasn't good. "You've got a third-degree chemical burn," he said to me soberly. He made an urgent referral to a plastic surgeon and told me that if feeling in the area didn't return by the time I saw the surgeon, he would have to remove the affected tissue and do a skin graft. Lucky for me, feeling did return and I didn't need the operation. I can tell you I'm a hell of a lot more careful with poppers since that experience.

The other thing I wanted to know about poppers was were they addictive. I got a hold of a counselor at the Center For Addiction and Mental Health here in Toronto. He counsels gay men who are addicted to drugs or alcohol and says "that about 60 percent of the men I see report using poppers." He says that in his experience, poppers are not physically addictive and are different from other drugs in that his clients don't consider them to be a problem and feel they have control over their use of them.

I have one friend who would disagree. Hal is an old pal of mine. We hang out; we drink, talk politics, and exchange stories of memorable tricks. Hal is 50 now, and started using poppers in 1979, when he moved into a house full of gay men who used them all the time.

He didn't like poppers the first time he tried them-- they gave him a headache. Then one day he was home alone listening to music and he tried them again. He loved them, and soon he using all the time for sex and masturbation. There was a period in the 80s when he was drinking, smoking pot, and doing poppers almost on a daily basis.

It got to the point where he didn't know if he was making out with a man or a bottle of poppers. As he got older, his reasons changed. "It's about the addiction, not the sex," he told me in an interview. He says as he's gotten older he can't always get the guys he wants and poppers ease the pain. "They help me forget I'm not getting my fantasy guy," he says. He says it's also about his insecurities. "Generally speaking, I've always felt inadequate and had self-esteem issues. Poppers help me forget and feel better."

He's tried to get his popper use under control, but it's been tough. "I've talked to therapists and doctors, but they don't seem to think it's a serious problem." He says he's always figured they couldn't be good for him and he's tried scare tactics to try to get him to quit, but even that doesn't work. "I've even had sex with guys who were totally not my type just because they have poppers," he says. I've used that trick myself to get the occasional hot guy. Some men are desperate for them and I'm not proud, I can handle being used.

I also wondered if there was a relationship between poppers and unsafe sex, whether poppers relaxed people's defenses like it relaxed their assholes. My expert on the subject was James Murray of the AIDS Committee of Toronto.

He says whether the use of poppers, like most other drugs, leads to unsafe sex depends on a person's relationship with drugs and unsafe sex. He says some people use drugs as an excuse to let themselves go, but that it's not an automatic thing. "There's a correlation for some people and not others," he says, "it depends on the person."

But he does warn that poppers can increase the risk of AIDS in another way. "They dilate the blood vessels in the rectum and that can increase the blood flow and the risk of HIV transmission," he says. "It's a strictly short-term risk, however." He says there's no conclusive evidence about poppers and complications with AIDS, but one thing is very clear: "HIV causes AIDS, not poppers," he says.

Not a Drug War battlefield

The last thing I wanted to know is whether or not poppers are legal. Once again, not an easy question to get an answer to. I telephoned the Drug Enforcement Agency in the US and put the question to them. They had never heard of poppers and took a while to get back to me to say that, to the best of their knowledge, it was not on their schedule of enforced substances and they did not investigate it. They could not say if that meant they were legal.

I called them back a week later and asked them to look into it again; I just had to have an answer to the question. They called me back a week later and told me that someone at the National Institute for Drug Abuse thought that they were possibly on the banned hazardous substances list and illegal to manufacture, distribute and sell. Maybe wasn't good enough.

I figured if anyone would know it was the cops in the heart of queer America in San Francisco. I was right. A narcotics cop I reached told me they were in fact illegal to sell, but legal to possess in California. He said they should be illegal to sell everywhere in the States, but the legality of possession varies from state to state. He also said that this particular drug was just not on the radar screen for them and that he could only remember one person being charged with selling them in the last five years in the State of California.

It also took a number of calls to the police to get an answer to the same question about the laws in Canada. Turns out, though, that poppers are on the list of Controlled Drugs and Substances and are both illegal to sell and possess.

But poppers aren't a priority here either, unless you piss the cops off.

My friend Peter Bochove is a political activist and the owner of a popular Toronto bathhouse. A few years ago he was the general manager and part owner of another bathhouse in town. When the cops raided one of our bars and made arrests, he was there speaking out.

He gave a speech at a community forum denouncing the cops and making pointed remarks at particular senior police officers. A week later the cops showed up at his spa asking if they sold poppers. They searched behind the counter and in the office and seized about $350 worth of the inhalants.

The manager and clerk were charged with selling a restricted substance. But Peter was not charged. He made a fuss and said he was responsible for what happened at his bathhouse and insisted he be charged as well. He got his wish and they all found themselves in court, accused drug dealers. "Those charges were the direct result of speaking out," he says.

Peter is nobody's fool, and before selling the poppers he wrote to Health Canada and asked if the substance on the label of the bottle, hexylbutyl nitrite, was illegal. They wrote back and said it was not a controlled substance and legal to sell. The police had the poppers analyzed and found they were isobutyl nitrite and illegal. But that letter from Health Canada formed the basis of his defense

In the end, he won his case. He says, "The judge ruled you had to be careful, not perfect. In Canada we believe that what it says on the bottle is actually what it is and acquitted us." But, he says, it cost him $35,000 and 18 months in court. "It just proves that there are political consequences for speaking your mind in this country." No one else has been charged in this town for selling them, and he's never sold poppers at his bathhouse again; but he still speaks his mind when he has reason to.

Like Peter, I won't mess with poppers again. I love them and wish I could use them every day as some hot guy pounded my ass. But they're dangerous, and I love life more than big dicks and a moment's pleasure. Make your own decision.