Sex Histories	Sex Histories Archive

California-- I was reading Friction magazine and discovered your invitation to share true experiences. I am a man of 26. I don't know many other gay men and I don't have any friends close enough to my orientation to communicate what I'm about to tell you. This has been inside me for some time wanting to get out, and I am going to enjoy letting it out.

My mother, over-protective, sheltered me from things that are common knowledge at age seven in this day and age.

When I was 11 and 12, we lived in Minneapolis. I matured early; at 11, I had begun to feel the changes in my body. Hair was beginning to appear above my dick and the hard ons I had experienced and ignored until that point felt different. I was experiencing strange sensations and waves of excitement that had never come over my cock before. I had even beat my older brother to puberty. When I showed my mom that there was definitely something going on in my body by revealing for the first time my small blond patch of pubic hairs, all she could say was, "You're two years too early."

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We lived in an apartment building on a block that was all apartment buildings. My mother and step father were the managers of the building we lived in. Often it was part of our chores, my older brother and myself, to help clean the vacant apartments. We had three-storey buildings on either side of our own. One day, as I was sweeping a third-floor apartment, I looked out the window into the building next door. The shades and window were open and I saw two men embrace in the room across the way. They were kissing and hugging and rubbing each other's bodies. They were wearing nothing but cut-off shorts and I could see everything in great detail-- the buildings were only ten feet apart.

I was having a strange rush while I watched. My body trembled, I felt myself go hot and sweaty from the deep flush. My dick was aching from its erection.

Both men were lean and well built, about the same height, and they both had sandy blond hair, cut short and nicely styled.

I watched as they dropped their shorts to the floor and kicked them aside. I saw them both fully nude, which caused the aching in my groin to grow much stronger. Their hard cocks and low-hanging balls looked huge to me then. I saw them fondle each other, stroking each other's dicks. I wanted to hold one myself. I wanted to feel another man's dick in my hands, stroke it, squeeze it, feel the balls. I wanted to go to them and do it with them. But I couldn't. I was frozen to the window, just watching and wondering how it would feel if it was me. It became my top priority to hold another man in my hands.

One of the men dropped to his knees and put the other's rod in his mouth. He licked it. Then, to my surprise, he took its entire length into his mouth. I would have thought that impossible-- it looked way too big-- but that was when I wanted one in my mouth as well.

My hard on had grown beyond anything I had experienced. It ached like nothing I had ever felt in my life. I put my hand on it and rubbed it through my jeans. The feeling was incredible. The aching had turned to a pleasurable feeling like nothing on earth. I did it again and again until I thought I would die from it all. The feeling was bigger than I was and I knew I was no longer in control of myself.

I trembled fiercely as I watched the scene across the way and handled my dick like I never had before. I was hot with apprehension and excitement at what I was witnessing and what I was doing to my dick. The feeling grew until it enveloped me in an orgasm that was so powerful that I felt dizzy from the effect of it.

Just as I shot my wad, I must have uttered some noise; one of the men saw me through his window, knocking the other one on his back, and grabbed the curtain and pulled it shut. He was so quick it startled me.

That was when I noticed the wet spot on my pants. It looked like I had pissed. Upon closer examination, I discovered something I had never seen before; a white sticky fluid had doused my underpants and my pants.

My hard on subsided and I felt like I had been drained of every ounce of my strength.

I stayed there next to the window a long time, thinking about what I had seen and done. It was all new to me and I didn't know if I should be concerned about the discharge on my pants or not. I wondered if those men would come and tell my mother I spied on them.

When I recovered, I cleaned myself up and finished sweeping the apartment. I went downstairs, expecting to find that one or both of those men had told on me. Of course they never did and I never said a word about it to anyone, until now.

It wasn't until later in life-- I think I was 14-- that I learned, from a well-informed class mate, what sex was, where babies come from, what it was to beat your meat, and what it was to come.

A little later, I think it was the same year, I learned what "gay" was. I had heard the words "fag" and "gay" before but they really held no meaning except for their use in ranking guys on the field.

That was when I learned also that all guys did not feel the same as I did.

My new knowledge brought back the whole experience of watching the men and jacking off. The image was as exciting as if it had just happened.

When I was 18, I was working in a hospital's radiology department. Larry was a private duty orderly who had brought his patient in to the hospital for X-rays. While he was waiting for the films to be taken and developed, he started a conversation with me. I was (and am) very shy around strangers but he was forward in a likable way and had a knack for putting me at ease. When the pictures were done, it turned out his patient had pneumonia, and would have to be admitted to the hospital. Larry looked at me and said, "It looks like I'm going to have a few days off," and accompanied his patient to his room.

I had been taken by his cheerful nature, so when I got off duty I went to the room where his patient had been admitted. I found him there, as I had hoped. I told him I enjoyed meeting him and that I hoped everything would be O.K. for his patient. He thanked me and I left.

When I got out of the building, I heard someone say, "Hey." It was Larry. He had followed me out into the parking lot. He asked if I would like to go out for a drink. I told him I was only 18, so he suggested we pick up a six-pack and go back to my place. I lived alone, so that was no problem. I gave him my address and went home. He was to come by after visiting hours at the hospital.

When he arrived, he had the six pack like he said, and we drank and talked until about midnight. I kind of knew what I was hoping for but I wasn't sure he was up to it. I mean I didn't know he was gay or anything.

I really didn't know what I was doing. We talked about jobs, school, and everything except sex or girlfriends.

Then, without warning, he said, "I would like to get to know you better. Let's go lay down on the bed."

I completely froze and without thinking I said O.K.

I still don't know where my mind was or what I was expecting. I was just aware of him watching me. Looking at me all over.

When he finally placed his hand on my chest he said, "You're trembling."

That's when I noticed for the first time that I really was.

He asked me if I had ever done this before and I shook my head.

He told me he would go slow and be gentle.

At that point he didn't say another word. He simply stroked my body gently, undressing me piece by piece, matching every article of my clothing with his own. It took a long time but we both got naked.

The stroking and petting had both of us excited. I held his dick in my hand.

He sucked my dick and balls slowly, driving me up the wall.

He asked me if I had ever had dick up my ass before. Again I shook my head. Then he asked if I would like to. He told me if it hurt at all he would stop.

I nodded and he raised my legs to his shoulders. My mouth was dry from nervousness.

I watched him wet his dick with saliva. He gently penetrated my hole. There was no pain at all. In fact it felt very good.

His rhythm increased and as it did so my position became more awkward and uncomfortable. I think he sensed this and stopped to allow me to get on my hands and knees so that he could enter me from behind.

The feeling was incredible. I had no idea that anything could feel like that. Not even my fondest memories of my first jack off matched this.

It lasted for what seemed to be a long time and we both came.

After that night, Larry called me once, about a week later. But I passed on seeing him, mostly out of fear. I have wished several times over the years that I had seen him again.

Larry was my first sex partner. Since then I have had sex with four other men. Two were one-nighters and two were relationships. In only one was I deeply in love. I thought I was not capable of loving like that. I guess I was lucky to have found that one special man. But, though he said he loved me, he had a commitment he felt he could not break. So for two years I was nothing more than "the other man."

It ended for good about three years ago and for a long time I didn't want anyone else. That is over now also. I'm not actively looking for a lover but I'm not closed to the possibility either.

Well, that is my story. This is a true account. I hope it is what you were asking for.

It has been fun recounting it and I thank you for the outlet in which to do it.

Author Profile:  Boyd McDonald

Born in 1925 in South Dakota, Boyd McDonald entered Harvard as a high-school dropout after serving in the army in World War II. Jobs with Time, IBM, and several Wall Street firms preceded Boyd's career as a chronicler of gay sex. He was the founder and editor of Straight to Hell (alternatively the Manhattan Review of Cocksucking), and later published a number of anthologies of true sex histories. Boyd died in September 1993, two months after completing his final book, Scum.