February 2002 Cover
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By
Giacomo Tramontagna
You Can't Hurry Sex
Rating: 2 Stars
Produced by Toby Ross. Directed by
Steve Jerome. Edited by Toby Ross
and Steve Jerome. Music by The
Suckpuppets. Starring Ian Idol, Skor
Michaels, Jack Trade, Jerry Bravo,
Baron Long, Jose Vega,
Brad Locke, and Mark Stewart.
How to order
Purporting to show how four Chicago-area gay couples make love,
You Can't Hurry Sex presents three pairs of white boys and two Latinos in the throes of purposeful tongue-kissing, clothes-peeling, nipple-biting,
finger-sucking, foot-fondling, butt-smooching, scrotum-nibbling, rectum-tasting, cock-swallowing, and ass-fucking. Alas, every segment gets dunked in loud trash-classical music, some of which could have been swiped from a '50s Lana
Turner epic. Intrusive voiceovers, presumably written by Toby Ross protégé Steve Jerome, who directed, turn this video into a stupefying sexual instruction tape. By the time you hear, "Eye contact can heighten the experience and
add a totally different dimension to it, making the lovemaking a healthy and honest experience," you may find yourself yelling,
"Oh, shut up!" or throwing a shoe at the screen.
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