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By
Giacomo Tramontagna
Time Cops
Rating: 3 Stars
Produced by Jack Hazzard and James Geniuk. Edited and directed by Chip Daniels. Written by Jim Gary. Videography by Jack Hazzard. Music by Joe Z. Starring Zachary Scott, Tony Scalia, Christian Wilder, Scott Davis, Kristian Brooks, Bret Ford, Brian Roberts, Bruno DeMarco, Sandy Sloane, Nick Chavalier, and Chip Daniels.
How to order
Charlie Ford (Zachary Taylor) has joined the LAPD. It's his first day on the job. This doesn't prevent him from keeping Bob (Brock Masters), his brother and partner, waiting while he has an early-morning romp with his
lover, sultry French newcomer Nick Chevalier. Once the brothers are on the road, heading for Malibu, they arrest a pair of bank robbers, Frank and Jesse James (Bret Ford and Brian Roberts), great-grandsons of the famed
outlaws, pursuing a family tradition. Attempting to escape, Jesse James IV shoots and kills Charlie.
Bob is distraught. A TV newscast suggests a solution. A descendant of
Time Machine author H.G. Wells has discovered Great Granddad's time-travel device in a family warehouse. It's a silly-looking
boat-shaped gizmo that could have been lopped off a carnival ride, but it works. Bob pays young Wells (director Chip Daniels) a visit, climbs into the machine, and heads for the Missouri of 1882 to intercept the original
James boys, rearrange history, and change the present. When he lands in the past, he's naked and ready for action.
Scenarist Jim Gary seems not to have known that the real Bob Ford, who shot Jesse James on April 3, 1882, was a fellow gang member. His misconception of novelist and historian Wells as dotty scientist
seems cribbed from the 1979 movie Time After
Time. But this well-produced entertainment doesn't take itself too seriously, and it's full of unapologetic down-and-dirty sex. Standout sequences include one where the Jameses
make sexual use of two cowboys they've captured, anally penetrating one of them (Kristian Brooks) in tandem. Gorgeous Brock Masters has lively scenes with stable hand Sandy Sloane and sheriff Tony Scalia, the trophy he
brings back from the past. It's satisfying that Scalia, an unabashed sexual pro, shares a name with perhaps the most homophobic Justice on the Supreme Court.
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