Queer n There	Queer n There Archive

If no-nothing, religious zealots are going to rule the roost for the next 30 years, then the rest of us might as well-- as has been said about imminent rape-- lie back and try to enjoy it.

That's the philosophy of the web's savviest, savagest web site-- the Landover Baptist Church (www.landoverbaptist.org), which out-fundamentalizes Pat Robertson, the Pope, and your random ayatollah. The cyber portal of the fictional, purportedly Iowa-based, house of True Christianity, Landover Baptist offers sermons, household hints, Jesus Saves thongs, and warnings on unGodly Christmas toys, such as Fisher Price's AquaPet, the "Penis-Shaped, Talking Masturbation Teaching Toy Marketed to Pre-Teen Girls." Like swinging closet-door to funny-bone, Landover Baptist hits the rawest nerves of actual Xian fundy obsessions-- such as race and homosex.

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In helpful, ten-point "Early Child Development Homo Prevention Tips," Landover Baptist counsels parents that "A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement"-- the basis, for only one in three toilet trips. "But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottoms in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises."

The Landover Baptist site is an emission of Chickenhead Productions, which also puts out www.whitehouse.org. Move over The Onion-- these are the fiercest, funniest pages on the Web.