Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Thanks to the loyal reader who sent the clip from the Boston Globe detailing "lewd hazing" aboard the Coast Guard cutter Spencer. Recruits on board the Boston-based boat were slapped and beaten, and others were subjected to "a vulgar and degrading ritual," according to a Coast Guard investigation.

"It is horrible what took place,'' said Lieutenant Commander John Fitzgerald, spokesman for the Atlantic Area Command, piquing Dawn's curiosity. "We are a humanitarian service looking out for people on the high seas, and we failed to look out for our own. People were punished. We take this seriously, and it will not be condoned.''

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Just what happened, Dawn was now wondering. And for once, the Globe didn't disappoint; they included a few delicious details.

There were the usual "pink bellies'' where trainees were held down, hands and feet bound with duct tape, while their stomachs were slapped and hit as others stood around chanting the victim's name. Occasionally, the victim would be thrown in the shower or Icy Hot cream would be rubbed on the victim's stomach, according to the report. And departure ceremonies included shaving body hair of an individual and rubbing his body with ketchup, mustard, toothpaste, breadcrumbs, and cookies. Pretty routine frat boy stuff.

But what readers had to plow through fifteen paragraphs to find was that "other incidents included a naked man sitting on the victim's face and a practice where the victim would be restrained and a member of the deck force would use his genitals to strike the victim on the forehead," activities that only the most sophisticated fraternities routinely incorporate.

Given that the armed forces train guys to kill others, it seems a bit pissy to complain about a little face-sitting and cock-slapping. The only thing "unacceptable" about the behavior outlined is that it evidently did not include ejaculatory relief, possibly leaving all involved with painful cases of blue balls.