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Thanks also to the many readers sending in news from El Cerrito, California. It seems John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburgh, was spotted by police, naked, lying on a tree stump, masturbating alongside a nature path near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station. Believe it or not, the cops thought they had the right to arrest Mr. Sheehan. When they queried the nature-loving pud-puller whether he was carrying anything they should know about (didn't they find him naked?), Mr. Sheehan volunteered that he had a metal awl stuffed up his ass. And indeed, the firefighter paramedics called to the scene (as the cops stood by, guns drawn) watched as Mr. Sheehan called forth from his rectum a six-inch tool wrapped in black electrical tape. "You can't get much more concealed than that," El Cerrito Detective Don Horgan told the Associated Press.

Turns out, Mr. Sheehan was recently paroled from prison; thus, his experience with well-concealed weapons does not seem so strange. He is facing charges of indecent exposure and simultaneous possession of a concealed weapon (a distinctly odd combo). Police say he was also booked on the Orwellian-sounding charge of "suspicion of parole violation."