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By
Giacomo Tramontagna
Trenton Comeaux and Austin Black, strangers on a train, discover a bond about 90 seconds into their conversation. Comeaux is uncut; Black, who is circumcised, admires uncut men. In fact, Black writes
erotic poetry and prose ("It's really hard work if you get my meaning") in which he gives free rein to his obsession. We're treated to some of his work in the opening moments: "In my secret place/I come again to worship/Twisting
in pleasure's current/Foreskin sliding over the swelling crest/Beckoning me to enter once more/My private paradise/Where all is well/And I am all...." After this effusion, you may start watching intently, hoping to laugh
yourself sick.
You may get sick, all right, but the laughter stops after the first few minutes.
CUMplete and Uncut fetishizes much more than uncircumcised cocks; it's also interested in leather, piercings, tattoos,
Radical-Fairy getups, and older men-- all of which offer good erotic possibilities. But the author of this hodgepodge, Thor Johnson, doesn't know how to eroticize any of the above. First, in what is supposed to be an example of
Black's writing, we're subjected to the ruminations of an elderly masturbator on a nude beach near San Francisco's Land's End. Then, luckily, there's a not-bad interlude between Black and Comeaux. Then, however, with a
shapeless, poorly shot, choppily edited, thoroughly unappetizing mishmash of a Halloween orgy in the Castro, the video goes to irretrievably to hell. As this sequence literally peters out, we hear, in numbing voice-over: "Does art
really imitate life, or does an artistic mind create a life worth committing to art? A true mystery, I guess." The real mystery here is what Thor Johnson thought he was doing.
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