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"Our functional rubber models are so life-like that you could whip out your penis, hold it against the model and you could virtually not tell the difference between the two," says an enthusiastic Jerry Lands. As co-owner of HardArt, the 40-ish Lands-- along with partner Bill Hall-- has been turning erections into objects d'art from his Los Angeles studio since 1992. "I'm floored and amazed how many people out there are interested in what we do," notes Lands. "And the demand for it has become a bit overwhelming at times. Men, both gay and straight, are replicating themselves and women are bringing their husbands and boyfriends to us." Adds Hall: "A cock is a very beautiful thing."

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Land and Hall are not the first to see the penis as art. Phallic amulets and fetishes were common to many ancient civilizations, including the Incas, Greeks and Egyptians. In the 1960s, a bevy of rock groupies known as the Plaster Casters made reproductions of rock stars' rods, including Frank Zappa, Jim Morrison, and Jimi Hendricks. But unlike their predecessors, Lands and Hall do not covet what they create; rather, they sell it. What began six years ago as an erotic whim has become, according to Lands, "a full-fledged, 24-hours-a-day business."

The hands-on, in-person replication process can be quick once you arrive at the HardArt studio in Silver lake, an East Los Angeles suburb. This, of course, depends on your best pal's willingness to cooperate since getting an erection is the objective. "I tell everyone to check their modesty at the door," says Lands, who also encourages clients to bring their stimulation of choice, such as a magazine, video or lover. The moment you're fully "prepared," Hall mixes ThermaGel (a sculpting shop stable) with water, resulting in a pudding-like substance which solidifies in three minutes. This is not the time to get stage fright.

As you lay face down on a modified massage table-- which allows your museum-worthy man-tool to stick through an opening-- Lands carefully places your love rocket in a receptacle full of the concoction. "You've gotta stay hard for at least three minutes," Lands sweetly reminds you. Since the liquid feels warm and creates a very mild suction as it hardens, this should not be a problem. The mold is removed and your order is taken.

While this may read as a simple procedure, conjuring and keeping a boner has caused havoc with some customers. "If the erection is not maintained after we put it in the mix, the incomplete mold will collapse like a soufflé," says Hall. Since the mixture used for the mold ain't cheap (ditto for the time and expertise of Lands and Hill) the disappointed client is charged $50-- and encouraged to try again. "I think we're very, very patient with everyone," says Lands noting that "most men are in and out in around an hour, maybe 90 minutes."

A former finish developer for a decorative accessories firm and the creative member of the business, Hall takes about a month to cast-n-bake your woody. The wait is worth it, however, as Hall can finish the phallus to appear as if it were made from brass, rusty iron, gold leaf, marble, stone, antique silver or ivory. The HardArt catalogue offers 17 style options, which include turning your pleasure pole into a wall plaque, jar, incense burner, gargoyle (!) and the aforementioned rubber dildo. "All styles are available with or without testicles," notes Hall. "But we strongly recommend shaving your balls if you want them replicated."

Penile piercings must be removed before a mold is made, but the handsome Hall is happy to add jewelry to the final product. The uncircumcised are molded and cast just as easily as the snipped; in fact, Hall actually prefers them. "Detail-wise, being uncut makes for a much more interesting product," he says. "aesthetically, it's amazing." And yes, you can have an inch or two added to your sculpture, but that is not a common request. Explains Hall: "Most of our customers are proud of what they have. That's why they're here." Prices range from $50 to $200 and according to Lands, "volume discounts are available for duplicates made from the preliminary replica" (apparently, these make great stocking stuffers at Christmas).

Obviously, not everyone can bring their dick to Los Angeles. For these men-- as well as shy California residents-- HardArt offers a Home StarterPak, which enables you to begin the cloning process in your own den. "Ingredients and step-by-step instructions are sent which result in a plaster positive of that person," explains Lands. "That somewhat flawed plaster version is sent to us and then we perfect it, cast it again and finish it." Excluding postage and handling, there is no additional cost for a Home StarterPak. A word of warning: there is only enough mixture to make one mold per home kit. Failure to follow all directions properly (or failure to keep your soldier standing at attention for the all-important three minutes) and the mixture is useless. And you're out at least $50.

Chatty, somewhat nervous and the marketing arm of HardArt, Lands says the business began as a double-epiphany. "Bill and I had a brainstorm at the same time. We were talking about casting and since he knows how to marbleize a piece of cardboard, it occurred to me that it would be great to make art out of men's penises. We looked at each other and realized we were both thinking the same thing."

"We had to experiment on ourselves in the beginning," laughs Hall. "Some things didn't work-- they were too runny and didn't solidify quickly. It was a lot of hit-and-miss." Soon, friends were asked to volunteer their services, although Lands notes that he "was the most-often used guinea pig." Once the molding and casting processes were fined-tuned, word-of-mouth spread quickly across the gay community and HardArt was never forced to advertise.

After replicating hundreds of men, Hall and Lands see no end to their business. The pair now offer group "casting parties" and urologists use their service for patients before and after penile enhancement surgery. "We also manufacture non-personalized replicas where we supply the specimens to be copied," says Lands. "So you can request a thick one, a stubby one or an uncut one and we'll supply the donor penis for you." Still, the most popular model is the rubber dildo, which is often ordered by men with business-traveling boyfriends. Which makes it a gift that truly keeps on giving.

Editor's Note: To order a HardArt catalogue, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to HardArt, 4213 Cromwell Avenue, Los Angeles, California 90027, or call 213.667.1501. You can also order on the HardArt web site at www.hardart-phallic.com

Author Profile:  Scott Seomin

Scott Seomin is a West Hollywood-based freelance writer.