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"Give a victimized minority group $100 million and someone in the community is bound to complain," says Human Rights Campaign Fund executive directrix Elizabeth Belch, shaking her head sadly-but-knowingly as she sips a Zima, a clear malt beverage brewed by Coors that's favored by lesbians.

The Human Rights Fund and Liberation Publications announced April 1st the renaming of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual movement as the "Coors and Coors Lite Communities" in a $100 million marketing tie-in with the eponymous brewery.

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But it's not just teetotalers for whom the deal isn't going down smooth like an icy pilsner on a thirsty summer day. For transgendered Americans, the name "Coors" sticks in their throats like a mis-swallowed hairpin.

Over months of secret negotiations, Belch says she did the best she could to include gender-benders in on the deal. But brewery negotiators wouldn't budge. "It's a question of business, not bias," insists CEO Bill Coors. "We didn't feel drag was in lip-sync with our brand's rugged, Rocky Mountain identity."

The Human Rights Campaign Fund says the search continues for a corporate underwriter for transgendered Americans, with secret talks under way with Castro Convertibles and a number of Silicon Valley firms.

"It wasn't easy tossing away the 'Tomato' from the delicious Gruyere, Bacon, and Lettuce sandwich that is our GBLT community," confides Belch, careful to avoid the words "gay" or "lesbian," which she is forbidden to utter under terms of her Coors contract. "I love tomatoes."

But at the April 1st renaming ceremony, Belch faced a hail of rotten ones as drag queens heckled her with taunts of "Can the Coors!" and "Stop the draft!" Wary of their moldy missiles and sharp nails, the HRCF has agreed to donate 17 percent of its new-found beer money specially to transgender charity.

High voices singing praise

Shrill shouts and thrown fruit are giving way tuneful cooing as gender activists are now awarding the Human Rights Campaign Fund high marks for its innovative new social-service program that targets the community's most precious and vulnerable commodity-- transgender children. Known as the Farinelli Fund, this faith-based initiative is administered by the gay Catholic organization Dignity. The Farinelli Fund sponsors free sex-change operations for underprivileged boys so they can enjoy careers as church musicians.

"Early intervention is key for this at-risk population," says Eileen Bass, a social worker with the Mautner Campaign for Lesbian Cancer. "This exciting program should really cut rates of tragic testicular lumps and tumors," she says. "We hope the benefits of this pilot prevention effort can soon be extended to the entire male community."

Coming out for Coors

But if many transgender Americans remain wary of the Coors deal, there's one segment of the homosexual populace that doesn't need convincing-- piss lovers. On Tuesday evenings at the Polk Street Grill, right after the Karaoke, it's time for "Urine the Money," when men compete for cash prizes to see who can pee the farthest. Among contestants, Coors is hands-down the favored brew.

"If you like piss, you love Coors," says veteran Tuesday-night champ Ochre C. Wong, "'cause it's pretty much the same going in as coming out."